i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
