awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
