dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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