all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
