Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
