I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
