she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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