This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
