lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
