The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
