I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
