I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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