There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
