when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
