I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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