Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
