dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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