ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
