Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
