What a fucking waste of an outfit
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
