I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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