Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
