First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we're so committed to being not committed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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