If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
