I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
