the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
