we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
