screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
