i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
