No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
