I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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