Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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