drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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