Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
