so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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