i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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