oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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