I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
