11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
