love makes seman taste better
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
