Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
