She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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