Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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