nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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