Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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