I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
