I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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