so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
