It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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