How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
