Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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