he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?†With no hesitation
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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