porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
